Flirting 101: How to Get the Girl
by Life-in-pink
Summary: Zach's gotta get the girl. "There's plenty of other fish in the sea" "But… they're all guppies… and she's… she's a dolphin." "what you need is to learn how to flirt."
1. Chapter 1

_This is it _I tell myself. I keep my eyes on Cammie. This. Is. It. Today is the day when I will ask her out. I build up my courage. I run my hand through my hair. And I strut up to the love of my life.

"Hey, Cammie." Casual.

"Oh hey, Zach. Umm…. What's wrong with your leg?" Crap.

"Huh? Oh uh… Nothing-I mean, not really... It's falling asleep… So, I need to walk it off." Smooth.

"Right. So, what's up?"

"I was wondering, a-are you busy this weekend?" Just like we practiced in the mirror, Zach.

"Hmm… I've got a ton of homework and I've got a volleyball tournament... so…"

"Oh. Ok. Um. Yeah. Me too. Well, not a volleyball tournament, because I don't play volleyball. And you knew that. But um… What I mean it that I'm busy too."

"Cool. Well, see you later. I really gotta go."

"See you later… Gallagher girl." By the time I said that, she probably couldn't hear me anymore. Great. I blew it.

"Dude! Your face it like, bright red! What's up, man?"

"I blew it." I looked at my best friend, Grant.

"Blew what? Ooh, it's Cammie, isn't it? It's okay man, there's plenty of other fish in the sea."

"But… they're all guppies… and she's… she's a dolphin."

"What are you talking about? Ok, whatever Zach. Dude, you need to get over her."

"I don't want to get over her!"

"Fine. Then what you need is to learn how to flirt."

"Flirt?"

* * *

><p><strong>So this is just gonna be a bunch of super short chapters uploaded often! Anyway, how was it? review and let me know... :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

"Soooo… Now what? You're just gonna help me get Cammie?"

"Yeah. Call me you're flirt teacher."

"Sure thing, Master Looove."

"First thing's first: Confidence. You gotta be confident."

"Confident?"

"Yeah. Build up your courage. And, hey Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today."

"Did you just make a Disney Channel reference?"

"Shut up."

* * *

><p><strong>Wow. I'm so suprised by the response i'm getting from the first chapter, i wanted to upload as soon as possible! So, i hope you liked the 8 sentences i gave you guys:) Oh, and does anyone else love Phineas and Ferb? lol XD Please Review! I'll update sooner... :)<strong>

**Thank you…**

**Goode618**

**Flying- DANDELION**

**Onedirectionlovelys**

**PrettyLittleNinja**

**Gallaghergirl1897**

**MissShepard1995**

**Booklover484**

**f0r3v3rstr0n9**

**zoehumi**

**CookiesN'Cream124**

**BookAddict111398**

**SnixX321**

**AsianSpy**

**allstressedout97**

**sherce**

**zofia44**

**…For reviewing, subscribing this story to your story alert, or making this one of your favorite stories!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know, it's been forever. I'm sorry, but here...**

"Why are we at a dog park, Grant, and where did you get this Rottweiler?"

"Dog parks are great for meeting new people. And his name is Kaleb. He's my neighbor's dog."

"Why am I meeting new people? You know I'm in love with Cammie."

"This is how you're gonna build confidence. You're goal here is to get some girl's number."

"But… how?"

"Put this chip in your ear. You can hear me, and I'll talk you through it. You see that blonde one? Pink shirt, with the white fluffy dog? Target number one."

"But, I'm so not ready for this!"

"Go. GO!"

"Stop pushing me! Hey!"

"Zach, you'll be fine. Now, go!"

_Oh boy. _

**Well, I was gonna stop here, but i decided to be nice:)**

Hello, my name is-

Hi, Zach here-

Wow, yours eyes are just so-

Hey there, nice dog-

What the heck am I going to say to this girl? I'm walking closer now, and I can see she actually is pretty hot. She was wearing a pink t-shirt and jean shorts, and had a white terrier on a pink leash. She had an innocent little girl look to her.

There was a crackle of static in my ear, and I winced.

"Dude, stop staring, man! And don't go directly at her, act casual. You're walking your dog, and you see her. It looks like your stalking her right now, and that's not the kinda thing you want her to think if you're trying to get her number.

"Alright Grant, casual."

"Well, don't just stop walking at all! Move slowly to her."

"Alright Grant, slowly."

I watched the ground, first looking at Kaleb, the Rottweiler in my hands, then at the ground, watching where I step, because, well, this is a dog park after all.

"Zach! Head up. Head up, you'll look more confident. Oh, look up, man, watched out- oh crap."

I ran into her. Like smack dab straight in the face, and not only bumped her but knocked her over. She fell on the ground with a yelp and she let go of the leash that was in her hands, sending her white terrier flying off. Dang, for a little dog, that thing was fast.

"Don't just stand there! Help her up!"

I stuck out my hand and she jumped up, immediately starting to chase after her dog.

"Bo! Get back over here! Bo! Come on, Boy!"

Good thing I'm in track, and I sprinted after the pup, scooping him up in my arms.

"Here you go… uh…"

"Deedee, and thanks!"

"I'm Zach. Uh, sorry for knocking you down back there… I'm usually not this clumsy."

"That's ok. Oh, your hair… here…" She said, then licked her hand and started smoothing my hair, patting it.

"Aw, you're blushing!" She said to me. Then she grabbed my head and put her lips close to me ear. "I think shy boys are sexy."

What the…

"Um… heh heh" I gulped. Grant, what do I do?

_Crackle._ "Dude, she thinks you're sexy. This is gonna be easy. Give her a compliment."

"Um… you have nice eyes."

She grabbed me. And, well, now she's kissing me. On the lips. Not just kissing, but making out. I forced myself away from her. We had both let go of our dogs by now.

"Woah, coming on a little strong, don't you think?"

"Sorry…" She started playing with the collar of my button up shirt. "It's just that… you're just so irresistible… I could just eat you right up."

"Mmmffff… please…mmfff… stop." She started kissing me again, and I could feel her hand running down the front of my shirt, going down, down, down… down…

"DeeDee? What the hell?" That voice wasn't mine, and person the voice was coming from pushed DeeDee away from me.

DeeDee gasped.

"Josh! Oh, my gosh!"

"What the hell DeeDee? Who is this guy?"

"Um… I'm Zach?"

"Oh, my gosh, Josh, I can totally explain. This guy was ALL OVER ME! We just were talking and then he grabbed me and started making out with me! And he wouldn't let go! It was so scary!"

"Wha…"

"What do you think you are doing with MY girlfriend, huh?"

"Abort mission! Retreat! Retreat!" Grant started yelling in my ear.

"Err… sh-she started kissing me first!" Man, this guy is huge. And scary.

"Oh, really? Does she look like the kind of girl to you who would start kissing a stranger?"

"Yes?"

"Alright, that's it-"

His arm made contact with my gut.

"Come on DeeDee, let's get away from this creep."

I was on the floor, crumpled in a ball with the wind knocked out of me, and as I looked up to see Josh and DeeDee walk away, I saw DeeDee turn back, wink, and mouth 'call me'.

Grant walks up to my side, looking down.

"Aww, man, you have the worst luck in the world, dude. You okay? You'll be okay. Tomorrow we can learn step 2 of flirting."

I get up. I look at Grant. And I punch him in the gut, too.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry, i ment to update before spring break, but then i didn't get to it, and then it's been like 3 weeks! I'm sorry... so gave you a longer one today! And, if you guys really impress me with your reviewing, i might update TOMORROW!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you need me here for?" Jonas said. "I don't know anything about flirting!"

"We need you here for Zach's support." Grant replied.

"Support?"

"Yeah…. And so you he can practice on you." He said that last part kinda fast, like _sohecanpracticeonyou._

"What? So I'm supposed to just… be a GIRL?"

"Yeah. A hot one. Be a hot _blonde_ one."

"Oh, ha-ha. Very funny, Grant. Listen, I got to go study for my science test tomorrow, so…"

Jonas started getting up from the chair he was sitting in across from me, but Grant put his hand on Jonas' shoulder and pushed him back down.

"No guys. Jonas, it's okay, you can leave." I said. "I mean, how the heck am I supposed to flirt with Jonas? He's not exactly… feminine."

"Do you want to get Cammie, or not?" Grant pointed a finger in my face.

"Yeah…"

"Then pretend Jonas is Cammie, for all I care! Just do what I tell you. I mean, everything I know seems to work pretty good for me, don't you think?"

"But… you're a… a player…"

"So?"

"Sooo..."

"Listen Zach, I'm gonna help you discover your manhood."

"Manhood?"

"Ok, numbero uno! Pick up lines."

"Oh, I know these! Here, I got one! Ok… so are you an orange? Cuz you're a cutie! Hahaha! Get it? And… and did you just drink Campbells Soup? Cuz you're lookin' mmm mmm good! Genius, aren't I?"

For some reason, Grant just face-palmed. I mean, that was good, wasn't it?

"Don't try those on Cammie, Zach. Ever. Try this. Jonas, be all smiley and cute, like a hot chick."

"I don't feel comfortable doing this…" Jonas said.

"Ok, Zach." He leaned in to my ear to whisper.

"Do you have the time?"

"Oh, it's about 3:42-"

"No, to Jonas, smart one!"

"Oh, ok, Jonas, do you have the time?"

"Sure, it's 3:42."

"No, no, no! Zach! I don't really need the time! I'm asking you to repeat after me!"

"I can do that."

"Then prove it! Let's try this again."

"Do you have the time?" I said to Jonas.

"I already told you, didn't I? It's 3:42."

Grant leaned over to tell my ear what to say next:

"No, I ment the time to write my number down."

After repeating that, Jonas just looked at me weird. Come on, mine where so much better than this. I'll bet Jonas agrees.

"Let's try a new one." Grant said. Then he told me the next pickup line.

"If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd had 5 cents."

"Um…?" and Jonas turned tomato red. Was he actually…. blushing?

"Jonas? Are… are you sure you're not-not gay?"

That earned me a punch in the face.

* * *

><p><strong>here you go guys! Please review, it gives me motivation to update faster... So click the little review button under this! <strong>

**Now, thank you so much...**

**Goode618**  
><strong>Flying- DANDELION<strong>  
><strong>Onedirectionlovelys<strong>  
><strong>PrettyLittleNinja<strong>  
><strong>Gallaghergirl1897<strong>  
><strong>MissShepard1995<strong>  
><strong>Booklover484<strong>  
><strong>f0r3v3rstr0n9<strong>  
><strong>zoehumi<strong>  
><strong>CookiesN'Cream124<strong>  
><strong>BookAddict111398<strong>  
><strong>SnixX321<strong>  
><strong>AsianSpy<strong>  
><strong>allstressedout97<strong>  
><strong>sherce<strong>  
><strong>zofia44<strong>  
><strong>they're not puppies<strong>  
><strong>summerlove479<strong>  
><strong>percabethfanlover<strong>  
><strong>TheChameleon.x<strong>  
><strong>XxmyipodgetsmethroughxX9<strong>  
><strong>topXsecret<strong>  
><strong>maceygirl<strong>  
><strong>Cut3Ch1ck8<strong>  
><strong>GallagherZammieBlackthorne<strong>  
><strong>Twilightgirl141<strong>  
><strong>Im-Not-Good-Im-Better<strong>  
><strong>Mrs. Grint-Cozart-Felton-Horan<strong>  
><strong>Embyr<strong>  
><strong>BrookeGoode<strong>  
><strong>TwinkleLights123<strong>  
><strong>memememememememe123456789<strong>  
><strong>A Runner At Heart<strong>  
><strong>zammieforeva<strong>  
><strong>mulangirl34<strong>  
><strong>Aly Goode<strong>  
><strong>stephaniek<strong>  
><strong>BookWorm028<strong>  
><strong>bookworm121197<strong>  
><strong>niwet<strong>  
><strong>kookiie<strong>  
><strong>natalie522<strong>  
><strong>KidrauhlBelieber<strong>  
><strong>Clover10164<strong>

**... For subscribing tostory alert or adding this story to your favorites!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Why do I have to dress up? I don't shop. It's not something I do." I said to Macey.

"Well Zach, looks are important. Do you want Cammie to think you look like a freak? Or do you want her to be actually somewhat attracted to you?"

"Hey, I'm attractive no matter what I'm wearing."

"Sure."

Zach frowned.

"Come on Zach, Grant did not tell me to come here to argue with you. I'm here to teach you how to look good, and honestly, I'm not getting anything for it. I don't usually do favors, but because I think you and Cammie and meant for each other, I'm gonna do it. So take it."

"Alright. Fine. Where are we gonna start?"

"Hmmm... H&M." Macey pulled me into the store.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry guys, i really wanted to upload something, but i'm kinda going through writer's block for this story. That's why this chapter is so short. But please review anyway, ideas would be helpful at the moment! Good news though, i published a one-shot called Before You Leave Me so... CHECK IT OUT! thanks3<strong>

**-jess**

**Thank you...**

**Goode618**  
><strong>Flying- DANDELION<strong>  
><strong>Onedirectionlovelys<strong>  
><strong>PrettyLittleNinja<strong>  
><strong>Gallaghergirl1897<strong>  
><strong>MissShepard1995<strong>  
><strong>Booklover484<strong>  
><strong>f0r3v3rstr0n9<strong>  
><strong>zoehumi<strong>  
><strong>CookiesN'Cream124<strong>  
><strong>BookAddict111398<strong>  
><strong>SnixX321<strong>  
><strong>AsianSpy<strong>  
><strong>allstressedout97<strong>  
><strong>sherce<strong>  
><strong>zofia44<strong>  
><strong>they're not puppies<strong>  
><strong>summerlove479<strong>  
><strong>percabethfanlover<strong>  
><strong>TheChameleon.x<strong>  
><strong>XxmyipodgetsmethroughxX9<strong>  
><strong>topXsecret<strong>  
><strong>maceygirl<strong>  
><strong>Cut3Ch1ck8<strong>  
><strong>GallagherZammieBlackthorne<strong>  
><strong>Twilightgirl141<strong>  
><strong>Im-Not-Good-Im-Better<strong>  
><strong>Mrs. Grint-Cozart-Felton-Horan<strong>  
><strong>Embyr<strong>  
><strong>BrookeGoode<strong>  
><strong>TwinkleLights123<strong>  
><strong>memememememememe123456789<strong>  
><strong>A Runner At Heart<strong>  
><strong>zammieforeva<strong>  
><strong>mulangirl34<strong>  
><strong>Aly Goode<strong>  
><strong>stephaniek<strong>  
><strong>BookWorm028<strong>  
><strong>bookworm121197<strong>  
><strong>niwet<strong>  
><strong>kookiie<strong>  
><strong>natalie522<strong>  
><strong>KidrauhlBelieber<strong>  
><strong>Clover10164<strong>  
><strong>ViolettaKatarina1997<strong>  
><strong>Gabby22<strong>  
><strong>F0reverRand0m<strong>  
><strong>GallagherGirl530<strong>  
><strong> tyl3rrk<strong>  
><strong>summerlove479<strong>  
><strong>Kristina-Rose-Ivashkov<strong>  
><strong>Ems-g<strong>  
><strong>epifail107<strong>  
><strong>kgorange<strong>  
><strong>Fantasy500<strong>  
><strong>AriannaSaffyreMalfoy<strong>  
><strong>DylanandMAx4eva<strong>

**... for reviewing, subscribing to story alert or adding me to your favorites!  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6

Standing awkwardly in a dressing room of some random store Macey pulled me into, I wait for her to hand me the next outft i'm supposed to try on.

"Here, put this on and show it to me."

I take the pile of clothes that she gives me over the top of the door, button up the shirt and pull up the pants that seem to rise way too high on my waist. Then I slip on the glasses. My fingers can't seem to fasten one of the suspenders correctly. I open the door while looking down, trying to fasten the suspender and saying, "Mace, can you help me with this? Nevermind, I got it-"

I was stunned when I looked up and a flash of bright light blinded my eyes. When I could see again, I saw Macey standing there with her IPhone as she burst out laughing.

That's when I realized exactly what I was wearing. Green plaid shirt tucked into high waisted khakis, which were then held up by red suspenders. The black-rimmed hipster glasses were what really added a finishing touch to the nerd look.

I look back up at Macey, who was still in a laughing fit over the picture she took of me.

"This is totally going up on the internet." She says.

"Oh no it's not!" I say, lunging forward but she runs away. "Macey, come back here! Gimme that! Delete it!"

And that's how I ended up chasing Macey McHenry around racks of clothing while wearing a nerd costume, sliding around in my socks.

* * *

><p><strong>Short, i know, and not that funny. it's been awhile but that's because i'm on a month-long vacation out of the country. I finally got enough free time to add this chapter! Make sure to stay tuned for the next chapter though... there's gonna be some Zammie! Of some sort... lol. a few things:<strong>

**~ Be sure to check out my latest one-shot, if you haven't already. It's called "Before You Leave Me"**

**~ I've just become a BETA READER! So check out my beta profile and PM me if your looking for a beta reader! **

**~ Check out the polls i just put up on my profile page! **

**thanks, and don't forget to review!**

**-jess**


End file.
